I Chug Beer, Therefore I Am

Last week, I read a story about how the American marco breweries are trying to change beer's image. They say they're losing market share to wine and liquor which are more refined. So they want to "educate consumers about the social value of beer" and show people how "there's more to beer then just knowing how to drink it."

I dismissed the story as a load of crap until I got my Sports Illustrated this week and saw a Miller ad that says: "Chug Not -- Are you ready to appreciate the golden rich flavor of Miller Genuine Draft?"

No, I am not ready to appreciate your one-billion-bottles-brewed-per-minute swill.

Just like all the other Bacardi or Captain Morgan drinkers in the bars are not ready to appreciate the sugar water they're imbibing. The people targeted by beer and liquor ads are looking to booze. They don't want education; they want the social value inherent in two hot chicks mud-wrestling (classic example below).



Note to the U.S. macro brews: there's nothing 'more to beer' than that. So keep your beer ads the way they are; don't try to get too Brilliant or I and everyone else might just start drinking Guinness. Or Abita or Chimay or any of the hundreds of other beers that are actually worthy of appreciation.

The giant beer makers who generate most of their sales through advertising aren't losing market share to liquor because liquor is more refined. They're not even losing market share to ostensibly more refined beers like Becks. They're losing market share because liquor ads and Becks ads have salacious women beckoning. They're losing market share because nobody gives a damn about the Coors Light Love Train blazing through Super Bowl history.

All the average drinker wants is their Twins back, and a 12-er of cheap beer to chug. You'd think the suits on Madison Avenue would know that by now.