Most Political 'Twas The Night Before Christmas'

Yesterday we posted the funniest translation of 'Twas The Night Before Christmas'. Today we post the most political translation. As you surely know, the 'liberal assault on Christmas' has been the conservative media machine's top coverage priority for December. Not that they cover issues so much as invent issues to polarize weak minds. But still, the sheer volume of their 'coverage' has fueled House Resolution 579, a bill urging that the symbols and traditions of Christmas be protected. Of course, the whole point here is that Christmas traditions are strong as ever, and there's no issue at all. To underscore this point today, Congressman John Dingell (D-MI) presented the following poem during a discussion about Resolution 579. The job of news is to inform the public, not to polarize them. So we applaud Dingell for taking the government back from media control, if only for a fleeting holiday moment.

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Rep. John Dingell (D-MI): "Madam Speaker, I have a little poem.

'Twas the week before Christmas and all through the House,
no bills were passed `bout which Fox News could grouse.
Tax cuts for the wealthy were passed with great cheer,
so vacations in St. Barts soon should be near.

Katrina kids were all nestled snug in motel beds,
while visions of school and home danced in their heads.
In Iraq, our soldiers need supplies and a plan,
and nuclear weapons are being built in Iran.

Gas prices shot up, consumer confidence fell.
Americans feared we were in a fast track to ..... well.
Wait, we need a distraction, something divisive and wily,
a fabrication straight from the mouth of O'Reilly.

We will pretend Christmas is under attack,
hold a vote to save it, then pat ourselves on the back.
Silent Night, First Noel, Away in the Manger,
Wake up Congress, they're in no danger.

This time of year, we see Christmas everywhere we go,
From churches to homes to schools and, yes, even Costco.
What we have is an attempt to divide and destroy
when this is the season to unite us with joy.

At Christmastime, we're taught to unite.
We don't need a made-up reason to fight.
So on O'Reilly, on Hannity, on Coulter and those right-wing blogs.
You should sit back and relax, have a few egg nogs.

'Tis the holiday season; enjoy it a pinch.
With all our real problems, do we really need another Grinch?
So to my friends and my colleagues, I say with delight,
a Merry Christmas to all, and to Bill O'Reilly, happy holidays.
Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas."