Cleaning Up The Tivo

Yesterday, after a holiday weekend filled with way too many commitments, things finally went my way. My wife jumped out of bed and into the shower. I had no such intentions. So I popped in a DVD and grabbed the remote. Nothing like watching The Player while lying motionless in bed at noon. Not that The Player is about an over-achiever as its title might suggest. It's about the bad guy who gets away with it. So naturally, it's on my top 10 all time best movies list.

And needless to say, its theme set the tone for the rest of the day. A day that was supposed to be filled with hiking, and revising my database, and getting my call list ready for a December rally of deals to close out the year strong. All of that might have happened too. But it turns out that the shower sapped my wife's steam. So she grabbed some chocolate cupcakes we had leftover and joined me for a TV-watching marathon in the making.

Here's what we watched...

The Player:
One of the best crime dramas ever. If you have the patience. Similar to The Usual Suspects in that you have to wait till the bitter end for the payoff. But I have obsessed over this movie for years. I read the screenplay and the book, both by Michael Tolkin, who is the master of story structure. So it's only fitting that he mastered a story about telling stories.

Steal This Movie:
I had no interest in seeing a serious movie yesterday. But the cupcake provider insisted, and I was pleasantly surprised and enlightened. It was the story of Abbie Hoffman, a political activist of the 60s and 70s. Someone who was so relentless and effective in anti-war and civil rights campaigns that the CIA and FBI ruined his life and forced him underground for six years until he could prove their justification for his arrest warrant wrong. It was painfully relevant to learn about Hoffman's struggles against an autocratic war-happy administration. And the fact that Vincent D'Onofrio plays Hoffman and also plays a key role in The Player gave extra meaning and purpose to my slacking day.

Clear & Present Danger:
The DVD phase ended there, and it was freestyle surfing. Transition from a government-intrigue documentary to a government-intrigue blockbuster. Can't go wrong with boy scout Jack Ryan -- the original, not the Afflesque abberation that ruined the role in recent years -- going up against drug lords down below the border and Robert Ritter down the hall. Speaking of bad guys that get away with it ... perhaps no movie scene depicts it better than when Ritter, relaxed in his office, is watching as a satellite feed of an aerial bomb. As he eats carrots from a housewife-standard plastic bag, he says "boom" under his breath as the bomb decimates a drug dealer's summit. So sinister. So worth giving up a day hiking to watch for the 150th time.

Cleaning Up The Tivo:
After that, we decided to hit the Tivo, which is only on the main TV in the living room. It was monumentally hard to leave bed, but it was worth it to catch up on 2 Daily Shows, 3 Seinfelds, 1 Showbiz Show, 1 Simpsons, and 2 Sex & The City's. As we've said many times: one should feel no guilt when watching shows on the Tivo. It's like you're cleaning up.

Only it's much more entertaining to watch Carrie Bradshaw slink around her bathroom wearing almost nothing than it is to clean your own toilet. And on this topic: I love how they dress Carrie in stripper clothes, and it's passed off as totally acceptable. No serisously, I really love this.

Full House True Hollywood Story:
Next up was Dude Where's My Car, this generation's Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. But we toggled between that and the Full House True Hollywood Story. Turns out Bob Saget and John Stamos were at odds most of the time. No wonder. I mean, speaking of Players, I don't know how there was enough room on screen for both of those juggernauts at once. The only other time two screen legends appeared together, one of them killed the other shortly after.

As for Dude Where's My Car, what can I say. I may have to save that for a separate entry. There's so much to say. For now, I will mention one thing. I'm probably the last to know, but I can't believe that dude David who lost to that tool Jessy on the first (I think it was the first) MTV VJ contest is now hosting DVD on TV for FX. Not that I was wondering where he was. But I almost felt sorry for the guy while I was ripping on him. The dude who lost to Jessy.

Dying Hard:
Fatigue set in after about 8 hours of non-stop TV, but the pizza delivery guy helped matters, and Die Hard taught us that we needed to see this through to the end. So we flipped around for the rest of the night. Fastlane, the Maxim-for-TV cop show was the perfect balance for the grave Collateral. Then came blips of Chapelle's Show and Desperate Housewives. Malibu's Most Wanted and Octopussy, which was the low point in Roger Moore's portfolio, which isn't saying much since Moore was the low point in the Bond portfolio. Honestly, I think even Timothy Dalton was better than Moore.

Put To Sleep By Zach Braff:
The final, final stretch of my TV marathon Sunday was the first 30 minutes of Garden State, Zach Braff's self-written and directed movie that was almost as over-rated as Sideways. Don't get me wrong here. I am not saying I didn't like it. It was a good movie. Just not as good as the reviews said it was. And as a music snob, I was underwhelmed by the soundtrack that got even more buzz than the movie. All that said, I fully respect Braff for what he has accomplished. And the first 30 minuntes of Garden State are brilliant. For me, it starts to fall off when Natalie portman comes into the picture.

So that's when I finished my marathon. The guilt set in pretty heavy, so I actually read for a couple hours. It was a book called Under Radar by Michael Tolkin. It was only fitting to finish the day with the same writer that started it. Reading his book helped with the TV guilt, but I'm already sensing there's no way he can top The Player, or even his last book Among The Dead. So now that's where I am once again. Still blowing off my database and my calls. Hoping I will get to spend the day cleaning up the Tivo again soon.