Drinking Drinks

When you drink as much as I do, which is a lot more than I should, your drinking game evolves from a pure consumption play to more of an analytical approach. I often find myself watching how much other people drink and how stupid they can become when they drink a lot. I also have learned to read how people drink to tell me anything about them I'd ever want to know about them.

I could focus on the big drinkers, but will stick to the more fun negatives, and talk about a few people you need to look out for, when bellying up to the bar (mostly for work functions, but this is still applicable to other, random situations).

I'm not judging people on whether or not they drink. Some of the finest people in the world don't drink, and I respect them for that. You just don't happen to meet any of these people in a bar, because they know that they don't belong there.

Most people look at the drink itself as what tells you the story about who a person is, but I don't. Instead, I look for consumption patterns. Is this a person that has one drink and goes home? If so, I automatically figure them as someone not down for the cause. They're usually just a bar making an appearance, the thought of actually sticking around to get to know people, the last thought bouncing around their heads, filled with too main non-alcohol damaged brain cells. These are going through the routine people, and at the first sing of trouble, these people will bail on you.

Next on the drink roster is the guy that won't do a shot with you. This is one drink and done's slightly more adventerous blood brother or sister, and the real danger element to watch out for. They might stick around for up to three drinks (mostly light beer), but when the shots start flowing, they suddenly get a cell phone call to sneak away, or will steadfastly refuse the shot. These are the people that I trust the least.

Won't Do Shot Guy may seem like he's down for the cause, but is more likely a wolf in sheep's clothing. He wants to appear like someone that is part of the crowd, but they're only there to gather intelligence on everyone else. These are the people that want to appear like they're your friend, but will talk shit behind your back the first chance they get.

In the days of old, our dirty, grimy ancestors banged mugs in a cheers not so much for fraternal purposes, but to make sure if they were being poisoned, the poison would be shared. In our more modern times, the best way to check for poison is to call for a round of shots of Tuaca. The guy that's sharpening his knife to stick in your back will be the guy that hides or says no thanks. Don't think of this as a buzzkill, but as a lesson learned - keep your blood shot and hungover eye on them in the morning.